Man Loses Identity, Doesn't Mind

DICK, MI - These days, it's hard to be yourself. With identity thieves, body snatchers and masters of disguise running rampant, it seems like everyone is trying to get a slice. Whether that slice be of your proverbial pie, or simply your flesh, deviants are out there just waiting for you to slip up.

And slipping up is precisely what John Rondo, 33, did. Does? Done? That's it. Slipping up is precisely what John Rondo done. During a routine ATM withdrawal for thirty bucks, Rondo managed to let his credit card number, security pin number and social security number fall into the wrong hands.

Also stolen was his waist size, condiment preferences and the number of times he's watched Bicentennial Man, which would cause such panic in society that we cannot reveal it here.

Who would have thought this face would spell mankind's doom? ...Us. We did.