Equestrianism refers to the riding of horses, whether it be recreational or competitive. Why are we telling you this? Hold on a second for fuck's sake, you overactive, hyperass sugardick. We'll tell you in good time. You may have noticed our absence lately. Your mom told us you were heartbroken and that you spent hour after hour, day after day on the computer, waiting for a new article and wiping up your tears with the same soiled tissues you used to sop up your wasted baby-juice. We sincerely apologize, but we have a good excuse.
Where's yours? We know for a fact you didn't accidentally type "AnalCookieWeinerMilk" into your search bar.
Strange Times has been taking a bit of a vacation. The daily battle of producing hard-hitting, soft-fondling news overwhelmed us. Everywhere we looked we saw news that needed reporting on. Local man scratches ass, local woman smells local man's finger, and the list goes on and on. It came to be that we were writing 24 hours a day. The only sustenance we had at our disposal was old issues of
Pregnant Parades, which we happily consumed and later shat out in the form of new articles.
Ahhh, the old typewriter.
It got to a point where we couldn't take it anymore. In fact, we still can't take it. You people have no idea what it's like! The kind of pressure we're under! Every day is filled with torment and agony in the form of fake news stories about monsters and bullshit that you probably don't even read or care about! You all sit at home in your nice warm wombs and laugh at our plight! Well we're tired of being unappreciated. We're calling it quits. Consider this the last sentence that Strange Times will ever write:
NO! We're not even going to give you the satisfaction of writing a final sentence. We're just going to end it really abruptly and awkwardly and leave you feeling really uncomfortable and unsure if---