Serial Killer Promises To Probably Never Do It Again

San Antonio, TX-The sounds of celebration can be heard throughout Tejha Penitentiary today after the parole board's decision to finally grant freedom to notorious serial killer, Dwayne "Goo-Face" Grum.  Inmates, guards, and even the warden joined in the festivities to say farewell to the longtime deathrow resident.

Celebrate good times, c'mon!

Overturned Yogurt Truck In Strawberry Field Remains Unmoved

At 3:17pm yesterday afternoon, a delivery truck for Yoplait jack-knifed and overturned along Route 44.  This accident caused several thousand gallons of plain vanilla yogurt to spill out of the truck and down a nearby slope in a thickened dairy avalanche.  Traffic was forced to a complete halt and emergency vehicles soon arrived on the scene.  "This is the worst yogurt spill I've seen in my time on the force," said Deputy Cheb.  "And I was right smack dab in the middle of that whole Go-Gurt massacre."

Yogurt in a tube?  BLASPHEMY!

Local Man Diagnosed With Hulkamania

Late last night, Garret Jumbrow was rushed to St. John Popper's Memorial Hospital's intensive care unit.  He was complaning of intense chest pains, skin discoloration that mimicked that of a hot dog, and an insatiable desire for a serious smackdown.  "The symptoms Mr. Jumbrow is exhibiting are textbook examples of late-stage Hulkamania," explained Garret's physician, Dr. Poop.  "It's a damn shame we didn't catch it sooner.  We could have suplexed that sucker right out of Garret, but now, unfortunately, it has spread to his lymph nodes and well...there's not much hope for him.  All we can do is pray that Suburban Commando isn't on cable this week."

A typical day in the life of the Hulkster.