Saturday, January 28, 2012

Housewife Falls Asleep On Her Stupid Face

On a recent red-eye flight from Tuscon to Sicily, 42-year-old Nannette Baulm fell asleep on her stupid goddam face, causing her to suffocate shortly after takeoff.  Early on in the flight Nannette asked a flight attendant for a pillow.  "I take my job seriously as shit," said the anonymous airline employee.  "Someone asks for a pillow, they get a pillow.  That's just how I live my life."  Having a chronic fear of strangers putting poison in her mouth while she sleeps, Nannette put the tray table down, leaned forward, and quickly fell asleep to the sounds of The Big Bang Theory coming through her headphones.  She had just purchased them for a reasonable $4.95, tax not included.  Though she had never watched the show before, she noted to her husband seated next to her that it was "pretty funny" before resting her head to, as she put it, "catch a couple of Z's".

 This guy died too, but from AIDS.

"In retrospect, I should've tapped her to see if she wanted anything from the drink cart when it came around, " said Harold Baulm about his idiot wife's dumb fucking death.  "But I didn't want to disturb her.  I figured she must've needed the rest.  I got ginger ale with double ice, if you were wondering."  Many hours passed before the plane landed for a transfer in Connecticut, at which time Nannette was discovered to be dead.  Her husband, though distraught, remained optimistic about his vacation and continued on the flight to Italy claiming, "I paid too much to let that dingus ruin this trip."  So far the airline has avoided any questioning from the authorities.  "If we actually investigated every time this happens," said Detective Pryson, "Well...we wouldn't."

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