Thursday, August 5, 2010

Real Estate Agent Sued For Selling "Fake Estate"

Russell Tosso’s ads can be seen on buses, blimps, and underneath the tremendous asses of public bench sitters. His catchy tagline “Russell Tosso Sells Homes” can be heard chiming from every television set and radio across the country. He has smashed virtually every sales record and even sold his own home and left him and his family out on the street…just because he could. He sells houses so quickly that they are left feeling cheap, used, and violated like a filthy prostitute that you live in. But like every great fable dealing with a man who is really good at selling houses, he must have his downfall. Mr. Tosso has been summoned to court for the most disgraceful offense in the real estate world…selling fake estate. Fake estate is nothing more than…well, nothing. Gaping, absent holes in reality. Sections of the universe that were forgotten. These pockets of nonexistence are scattered across the globe and have been a homebuyer’s worst nightmare since they were first discovered. Russell’s coworkers, friends, and family were all shocked to hear these reputation destroying allegations brought against him. Russell has publicly made it known that he does not intend on pleading guilty and that he would “never stoop that low”. Russell went on to say “Have you seen my numbers? They are outstanding. Just last week I sold a multi million dollar home to an unemployed vagrant and the home wasn’t even on the market. I’ve sold property to babies for god’s sake!” Others did not share this optimistic viewpoint. Fellow salesman, Bob Cohnfield, said “In the past few months, we’ve really seen Russell start to slip. He ran out of things to sell, plain and simple. He started trying to sell trees to birds, caves to bears, that sort of thing. He rented out some of his desk space to an Armenian couple. It was really tragic. Everyone knows about fake estate, but no one ever really considers that as an option. It’s a slippery slope and once you start down that path, you don’t come back. It’s like heroin…or Glee.” Families affected by their purchasing of fake estate will be reimbursed for all of their inconvenience once they can be fished out of whatever alternate universe they have fallen into.

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