Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Local Man Feels Betrayed By VHS Tape

While "just browsing" at his local thrift store, Todd Barley decided to pick up a VHS tape for the irresistibly low price of $1.00.  The film was Bob Uecker's Fun Moments In Sports.  "I couldn't resist," said Todd.  "Just a buck for all that sports-related fun.  What a deal."  Fun Moments In Sports had sat untouched for many months on the bargain shelf, but employees were relieved to see it go.  "At one point, I thought I was going to have to buy it just to get the damn thing out of here," confessed a young volunteer who works primarily in trying to get the "piss and death" smell out of the clothes that people donate.  "I'm really glad that tape finally found a home."

We're laughing already.

This particular VHS, clocking in at approximately 28 minutes in duration, focused on the silly, wacky, and overall nutty plays and pratfalls in the world of professional sports.  This blend of physical comedy and Uecker's classic shtick guaranteed to be a laugh riot.  In fact, the creators of this compilation of comedy were so sure of this that they emblazoned the back of the box with this promise: Fun Moments In Sports will amuse every sports fan.  A bold statement indeed. After reading this, Todd immediately popped the tape into his VCR, positioned himself in the direct center of his couch, and pressed Play.

The 28 minutes passed in what seemed like mere seconds and Todd was left in silence with only the FBI Warning against unlawful duplication to keep him company.  "I didn't like any of that," admitted a stunned Barley.  "I like sports.  I'd even go as far to say that I am a fan of sports.  The box said I would be amused, but I...I wasn't."  Todd doesn't know exactly what stopped him from experiencing the full enjoyment from the film, but he thinks that it was all of the bloopers, gag reels, and outtakes included.  "Yeah, I get it.  It's supposed to be funny, but I think this movie really disrespects the world of sports.  Why would I want to watch athletes perform poorly?  It doesn't make much sense to me."

At this he responded, "Oh my...oh my gosh.  Is that man okay?  That looked pretty serious."

Reportedly Todd ejected the tape from his VCR, but only after rewinding it completely.  Since he still hasn't figured out that you must press Stop, then Rewind, to make it rewind faster, Todd had to watch the entire film again...backwards.  He plans to possibly tape over Fun Moments In Sports with a rerun of that infomercial that he really likes.

"Billy Mays here with a death threat for Bob Uecker.  Get outta town, pal."

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