Saturday, September 25, 2010

TIME Magazine Announces New Look

TIME, founded in 1923 by Briton Hadden and Henry Luce has risen above the rest to become the leading news magazine in the world. Over 25 million readers flip through their pages every week to get the what's what and who's who on global events. In mid-2006, Richard Stengel assumed power as managing editor. TIME has transitioned swimmingly between eras since its first issue, but Stengel has big ideas that he believe will take the magazine to a new high. They have officially announced that as of October 6th, TIME will be taking several interesting turns. "Porn," said Stengel at a press meeting, "Lots and lots of pornography. Also, more crossword puzzles." Investors and readers of the magazine questioned Stengel on just why he's uprooting TIME's longstanding professionalism and traditions. "It's 2010 and people don't care about news anymore. It's all happened before. Wars, famines, blah blah blah. What they want are tushes, ta-tas, and funny cartoons about dogs getting into various shenanigans." He has since fired the entire staff of TIME and filled their positions with employees from MAD Magazine, as well as The Onion. Strange Times has yet to receive a call, but that didn't stop us from sending Mr. Stengel a fruit basket. Yes, the fruit was injected with chemical nerve agents, but that's beside the point. Congratulations and best of luck to you, Mr. Stengel...you're going to need it.

They have released an early draft of their latest issue. Personally, we find it to be a cheaply replicated Strange Times...but whatever. Who cares what we think...fucking bastards.

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