Saturday, October 16, 2010

Anti-Gay Marriage Activist's New Platform Gets Conservatives "Really Boned Up"

The battle for Gay Rights has been raging on for years and shows no signs of ending.  Harvey Milk, Johnny Cookie, and countless others have given up their careers, reputation, safety, and even lives for this cause.  Despite the outpouring of support gained over the years, ignorance and intolerance have continued to trump all progress.  The equality and fair treatment of homosexuals is something that is held very near and dear to Strange Times' heart.  The same cannot be said for major league fucknut, Troy Killian.  In 2006, Killian attempted to pass a bill that required schools to teach "fag, dyke, and homo" as vocabulary words in elementary English class.  He gained momentum with his book Gays: And Why I Don't Like 'Em, where he repeatedly calls members of the gay community "icky".  Most recently, though, Killian has been railing against gay and lesbian marriage with a new platform.

"Children with gay or lesbian parents will be deprived of Yo Mama jokes.  Yo Mama jokes are crucial part in a child's development and I think it would be irresponsible to take that away from them.  For example, if a child has two fathers, fellow students will be hesitant to make a Yo Mama joke because that the runs the risk of sounding downright silly if the child technically has no "Mama".  The same goes for a child with two mothers.  You may be thinking that with two female parents, the Yo Mama jokes would double in frequency, but that is simply not the case.  The child's peers may very well tell Yo Mama jokes at first, but there will likely be confusion as to what "Mama" the joke is aimed at.  Clarifying the uncertainty of the joke's intentional target will prove to be too much work for children and they will give up telling Yo Mama jokes entirely.  These jokes have been a staple in American culture for decades and taking them away will be detrimental to our nation's youth."

Fellow conservatives and homophobes praised the ingenuity of the argument.  Republican Senator, Michael Pentuppe, called Killian, "A freedom fighter and a patriot.  He's such a brilliant man.  He's got a great head of hair.  I hear he works out.  God I wanna suck his cock...I mean...I didn't mean...oh shit." 

Strange Times entire staff is planning a field trip to Killian's home in the suburbs just as soon as our shipment of lead pipes and baseball bats is delivered.

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