Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Middle School Student Sacrifices Dog To Volcano. Still Fails English Test.

7th grade student, Francine Regahl, has been nervous about her test in Mrs. Heely’s English class for the past four days.  Despite the stress, Francine did not study even for a brief moment.  Instead, she brought her Miniature Schnauzer, Chopski, to Mount Vesuvius and dropped him in.  She hoped to please the gods with this offering so that they would grant her a passing grade on her test.  If she got a B, her mom promised to by her she would buy her a new “super cute” blouse.  The sacrifice was ineffective as Francine still received a 31% on the test.  “Mrs. Heely is such a bitch.  She only gave me that grade because she obviously hates me.  Only ugly people use pronouns anyway.”  The volcano has since erupted, killing thousands and leaving many more without a single worldly possession.  Survivors pin the blame solely on Francine and are begging her to pray for their salvation.  She responded with a resounding “Ew. Those people don't even have houses.”