Saturday, October 16, 2010

Giant Sand Worms Impede Volleyball Tournament

Nothing spells fun in the sun quite like balls on the beach.  The Phillips' County Women's Volleyball Club inteneded on defending their title as Conference Champions this Sunday, but has been delayed due to a sudden infestation of pesky man-eating worms.  These enormous sand worms are thought to have come up due to last week's recordbreaking rainfall.

This, but fucking huge.

League officials are doing their best to dispose of the worms, but every attempt ends in failure as the "worm smell" is too much to handle.  "Every time I get close enough to do something, that smell hits me," said referee Jep Schmidt.  "You know that smell.  It's not quite like fish or wet dog, but somewhere in that category  God damn.  I'm gagging just thinking about it."  Other problems they have run across are not knowing which end of the worm is the head and which is the rear (Side Note: Worm Asses: Do They Exist?).  There have been a few successful attacks on these slimy beasts, but every time one of them gets cut in half, it just creates two worms. "It is really taking a toll on morale," said Bill Yerger, Secretary of Beach Defense, said while wielding a wormachete.  "You hope that when you cut something in half, it'll die.  That's not the case with these bastards.  I think we should all accept that the beach belongs to the worms now and just move on."

Husbands everywhere have rejoiced, citing "not having to go to those boring fucking volleyball matches anymore" as their reason for celebration.

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