Monday, October 25, 2010

"Scanners" Exploding-Head Guy Becomes New "Face" of Tylenol

Kid screaming in the backseat?  Wife nagging about unpaid bills?  Captors clobbering you in the head with a claw hammer?  If so, you've probably got a pretty splitting headache.  And if not, it means you're deader than a doorknob.

When will this massacre end.

But before you take that self-medicated shotgun blast directly to your cerebral cortex, try some Tylenol.  Tylenol has been around since the 1950's and despite a brief cyanide scare in the 80's that caused widespread panic and almost collapsed the entire company, they're doing pretty well.  We don't hold it against them.  Every corporation is allowed one slip up that may or may not result in several deaths. 

Or in our case, several dozen...

For the most part, Tylenol has been providing quality relief for a variety of symptoms.  Headaches across the nation cower in fear at the very mentioning of its name.  Strange Times doesn't claim to know what makes Tylenol relieve pain, fever, etc., mainly because we don't use traditional forms of medicine.

Our physician. He gives out the best stickers.

What we do know is that they have a new spokesperson that is the greatest work of advertising genius since Bela Lugosi signed on with Zagnut.  Tylenol's Head Advertising Executive, Irmpf Eisley, explains the new "face" of their drug:  "Remember Scanners?  Remember that guy whose head exploded?'s that guy."


Ever since this man appeared in David Cronenberg's 1981 sci-fi masterpiece, Scanners, he has become the reigning screenshot champion.  This single frame sums up all that is "headsplosions" and has spawned more humorous captions than any other picture. 

Except, of course...

After a four (whole) minutes of research, we were unable to find out what the actor's name is.  That's okay because we don't give two shits, let alone a single shit, about who the actor is.  This article is strictly talking about the character whose head exploded, who will further be known as Guy Pasta.  

Here's Pasta before me came down with a nasty case of spontaneous decapitation.

It turns out, there were no special effects used in this scene whatsoever.  Guy was born with a very rare condition known as "Reassembling Cranial Syndrome" or in other words, he can make his head explode then return to its original form.  Cronenberg caught wind of this and immediately wrote the scene in order to exploit this uncommon disorder.

Ladies, he can do this all night long.

Guy has struggled to find work since the infamous scene because as it turns out, there aren't that many job opportunities for a dude who can make his head explode.  Whodda thunk it?  He worked briefly as miscellaneous zombies and had a brief cameo in the latest installment of the Rambo series. 

Guess which one is Pasta.

"When I first discovered I had this talent, I thought I'd have it easy for the rest of my life," said Pasta, "But the truth is, I've got it harder than anyone.  You hear about celebrities punching paparazzi and refusing to sign autographs, but imagine a hundred people coming up to you every single day asking you to make your head explode.  Sure, I can do it, but it's not like it doesn't hurt like a motherfucker.  And I mean, it completely ruins whatever shirt I'm wearing."

Luckily for Guy, Tylenol's mascot recently had a falling out with the producer of their commercials and they were left temporarily unrepresented.  They tried to keep their heads about them in the frantic search for a new face to plaster on billboards across the country.

They eventually found Guy doing free headsplosions on the corner of 54th and Howard St., but a homeless man kept stealing chunks of his skull.  They offered him the position and the rest is history.

Someday this will be in your textbooks, kids.

Tylenol has released an alternate cut of the scene where Guy's head does not explode, but instead he pops two pills in his mouth and the situation is resolved.  Cronenberg has called it "a work of genius that he wishes he had thought of."

Guy's recent position may not be permanent, though.  Tylenol has been keeping an eye on this guy for his replacement because they say, "His headsplosion is more relatable and meant for the common everyman whose head explodes on a regular basis."

Finally, someone who gets us.


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